rain glorious rain!

it rained today. this lifted my mood significantly. if for no other reason than for reinforcing that my decision to buy 4 t-shirt fabric hoodies in 40 degree (celcius) temperature was a good idea. on an unrelated note i had a hot flash today which i have concluded is most like the onset of early menopause. there's this guy in my class who looks like emile hirsch. so much so that i'm thinking of taking in a picture for a close-up comparison, or maybe just making alot of inquiries about how justin timberlake was during filming. i have rediscovered how wonderful le snack is, how disappointing 'salsa' can be when made at certain eateries, and how euphoric i am on new magazine day. i had seriously read EVERY magazine remotely related to design, film, fashion, architecture, interior design and celebrity gossip available (it's been an indoor kind of time for me), and today in an unpredicted event there were new magazines on the shelf. I WASN'T EVEN LOOKING. i overbought and am locking myself away until prison break is on later. i may leave to get some soup but that's it.

egads!

people are so fucking unreliable. friendships, relationships, pets...they are all OVERATED.

maybe i'm being a bit harsh on the pets front but i refuse to accept my fate as a cat owner at such a young age. give me 10 years of this shit and i'll have upwards of 6 feline pals. one of them i will name rocky balboa.

the internet said so.

the events that lead to this are not important. what is key here is that i woke this morning with a suspected broken spine. my 'it will sort itself out' medical approach was stage 1. typically this lasts a few days while the neck pain fluctuates and then magically disappears. today for some reason i have this feeling that this is no ordinary neck pain, it took about 2 hours of me being awake to notice it so i don't think it was sleep related. this comprehension lead to my typical stage 2: massive conclusion leaping and internet based diagnosis.

after prodding my neck i have realised i am hideously off balance. there was a clear explanation - SCOLIOSIS. which obviously develops overnight. some research was conducted, more severe conclusions had been formed until i scrolled to the bottom of my chosen source and saw this...
"The concepts presented here are entirely the author's own (unless expressly stated) and do not represent the thoughts or ideas of any other person."

wow.

in all of my years of doctor internet i have never seen a red herring of this magnitude. 48 point helvetica bold was invented for a reason people, and this disclaimer was not meant for anything below 36pt that's for damn sure! it almost makes me lose my faith in the truth of the written word. ALMOST. thank god for NW magazine, embassador for ethical journalism. as long as someone in the world is upholding the truth i can sleep at night.

screw you losers

my latest apartment application was accepted. i move in 3 weeks, at that point i'm ditching all of you fools and taking up with my new A-list crowd (see above).

oh and yeah - that's van halen you see to the right.

he's bringing sexy baaaacK.

oh sly stallone you superstar. what a sly fox indeed sneaking up on us with this unexpected feature. i'm gonna go out on a limb and say this will be a gem of a film. i have no idea why but i am completely looking forward to seeing this. i appear to be completely alone in my position here but who the hell cares? i don't need friends, i only need eye of the tiger on a loop tape blaring from the boom-box i carry.

super wonderful mailbox suprise

jury duty.

yesterday all i could see where cons (pun not intended initially) but now in the light of day i have compiled a list of pros:

1. i can rent out an incredible amount of law and order dvds and title it research. if i was to buy some seasons on dvd i think i could make a case that these items should be considered tax write-offs, i would also petition for some sort of recognition (possibly in the form of a formal ceremony) of my actions as an act of extreme loyalty to my community/society at large. the phrase 'exemplary citizen' could be thrown about in the festivities. as could 'unbridled enthusiasm that cannot be rivalled and should be respected and admired'.

2. i can watch runaway jury, pretend i am flighting civil injustice while drinking super-large coffee and having impure thoughts about john cusack.

3. pretty shoes. now i NEED them. again tax write-off. civil duty, respectable attire etc etc.

4. i can take one of the many books i have bought and haven't had time to read and read them while waiting.

5. this is the perfect opportunity to test my theories on socially acceptable behaviour...a scenario involving me re-enacting the opening number of 'chicago' and assessing the results could be just the start of a very humourous iceberg.

6. rewatching runaway jury.

so here's the deal. i'm an academic (pro-prosecutor) but also a graphic designer under the age of 30 (pro-defendant). one way or another a 'challenge' will be issued i'm sure. the best i can hope for is nice smelling fellow jury people, an airconditioned waiting room and that my new book doesn't completely blow. the worst case scenario - the nearby river floods, sharks attack half the jury and i still have to serve on a 20-week high profile case where i will be stalked in a demi moore style fashion by the defendants 'crew'. i'm 5ft 2 in heels and have very little upper body strength, i'm fucked!

give me a 'H'!

give me a 'Y',
give me a 'P',
give me a 'O',
give me a 'C',
give me a 'R',
give me a 'I',
give me a 'T',
give me a 'E',

what does that spell?

it spells, i went to sportsgirl within 4 hours of making that last post and bought a pair of heart shaped furry leopard print earrings.

i want to live in the e-pages of the sartorialist

then my appreciation for clashing prints, mismatched accessories and customised tourist tees will know no bounds. unlike the boundaries enforced every day when living in a city where sportsgirl-girls run free.

purchase the pain away

3 new design books
7 grande coffee's
something oversized from the cheesecake shop
one tree hill season 2 on dvd. (fyi - i don't even watch this show. it made no sense for me to buy this. but i did)

the apartment hunting took a nosedive over recent days. this coincided with my current living situation going to hell. a news report this morning stated that rental prices are predicted to increase by 35% this year. i'm sure i'm just not looking hard enough, but from this perspective the silver lining isn't eactly making it's presence known. valium-ing the pain away is looking all the more attractive.

in need of medication. scotch will have to do.

i'm really tired and my eyes are completely sore looking at this screen, quite posibly because i was watching dvds on my laptop earlier and the sound is pretty shit so i have to have it pretty close to me to hear it. and then i played an excessive amount of solitaire, which is admittedly pretty lame but strangely addictive. then i got to a point where i was trying to better my 'top score' so i shut it off.

i'm sad. however this is in no way a reference to the solitaire confession. although i'm sure many people will read it like that. and by many people i mean maybe the half a handful who may stumble onto this blog.

update

and now it's pouring and i am not wearing adequate footwear. and i can't stop thinking about leaving my job to take up the position of 'well paid design genius who travels the world infrequently making band posters while drinking johnny walker blue label'.

powerpoint presentation writing pales somewhat in comparison.

life with tag lines

i'm sitting in my office and when i look outside due to the dark tinting on the window and the dried water/dust based dirt layer it looks like it's the middle of winter. there are clouds and windy tree things going on. but when i went outside for lunch i realised it's sunny, it's hot and it is definately not winter. meanwhile at lunch i glanced out the window at one point and a man rode past on a unicycle. he wasn't in some sort of costume or part of a larger unicycle fleet. anyway should i choose to throw in the towel at 201 here's a list of jobs i would want and dialogue i would spout.

big time film producer for a company with a preference for teen horror movies
"dammit, throw some extra tits in there, get an axe and get it shot!"

blade (of the vampire hybrid variety)
"FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER" (all the time. and just this.)

teen icon
i would limit my dialogue here and mainly just walk around trashbagged. while i like to think i'd take the mandy moore road less travelled i think i would live it up, live hard & die young in a lohan style rampage and just hope that in my next life i was reincarnated as a julianne moore type.

highflying realtor
"well honey, it's not 2001 (tight smile) alright" i would be a bitch. kind of like the realtor i was desperately trying to bond with to secure my little slice of heaven apartment who made small talk about coffee and cake and then shut me down as if i was a 15 year old who worked in fast food trying to move into the CBD when i started to ask more pressing questions about the apartment. on a sidenote i think i would also have a 4 wheel drive with custom plates reading 'betterthanyou'.

*wait, looked out the window again and now i swear i see rain. only upon closer examination i've realised it's actually mass amounts of sand being blown in the wind. i love it when it's the quiet time of year and every necessary construction job is commissioned.

ok seeing as i am at work and will be here for at least another 4 hours i think dreaming about other jobs is not too wise and it will end what is already a minimal amount of enthusiasm (and by this i mean acceptance) for my workplace. plus i think wesley snipes is going to hold onto blade and without any sort of martial arts background i doubt i could take him. i could certainly stun him with my wit but let's face it when the moments gone i'm pretty much toast.

umm. no it is raining.

making it even better

oh and one of the guys i work with has become oddly fixated on my relationship status. he keeps trying to get me to pick up every male who walks into the office. there doesn't appear to be any sort of real specification here either, pretty much any male aged 17 - 39 who drops by is viewed as a good potential partner. he comments on this every day. every. day. combine this with the hasty 'that's ok! that's normal! there's nothing wrong with that!' response i got from my more accepting family members when i casually mentioned at a recent family event that being single is fun and marriage is something i see for 30plus year-olds (and by this i mean 35plus year-olds) and you have me - the flustered bridget jones type who is now in a constant state of defense. which might i add is extremely attractive. who WOULDN'T want a girl who fights her battles with sarcasm 24 hours of the day?

romantic comedies are ruining my life

being on the cusp of valentine's day i thought i would buck obvious tradition and go with the teen horror movie genre when making my dvd selection tonight. i was watching this highly average kristen bell feature 'pulse', to sidenote briefly - the opening is alot like stay alive (another 'oh no the computers are killing me' feature) where there's some kill style opening scene, only you care so little about the character that it's just filler. so anyway this doesn't bode well for where this fine film is going as stay alive sucked hard. 30 minutes in, i've started reading the tv guide with pulse continuing in the background. suddenly...
girl walks into creepy apartment where boyfriend 'suicided'
creepy imagery
girl: 'oh no'
CLICK.
'click' is the word i'm using to indicate the noise that was made when my tv turned itself off. this was not part of a larger power failure. just the tv. the timing was unbelievable. the dvd is now paused and i'm comfort eating suspiciously old ice-cream while forming disturbing mental images about how my electronic appliances are potentially going to kill me. this almost never happens when i'm taking in a hugh grant notting hill-esque feature. tomorrow i'm dragging my solo ass to the new drew barrymore/hugh grant rom-com, creepy tv = me crawling back to the stuff that should have gotten me kicked out of film school. i will take my unrealistic expectations of relationships over interactive unpleasantness anyday.

except maybe the day i posted the thing about americans. that day was very much a celebration of unpleasantness born primarily from unrealistic relationship expectations. valentine's 07 sure looks like it's gonna rock. my only resolve is that i will stop myself before i hit the stage where i find i'm watching back episodes of sex in the city while drinking red wine.

jessica from go fug yourself, bff in the making

OCTOBER 28, 2004
My Fugly Ending
Remember that Sweet Valley High book where Elizabeth gets in the motorcycle accident and ends up in a coma and when she comes out of it, she thinks she's Jessica and so she acts all slutty and difficult and almost sleeps with Bruce Pattman -- even going so far as to let him touch her boob! -- until, right before she gives it up to Bruce, she drunkenly rolls over and conks her head on the coffee table, and that knocks the Elizabeth back into her?
I think that's what's happened to Hilary Duff: Except, for "Jessica," read "Avril Lavigne." And, as clearly demonstrated by the photo above, Hilary/Elizabeth has not yet slammed her head against any furniture. So, by my calculations, this means that Hilary is about 15 minutes away from letting that kid from Good Charlotte grab her left breast.
Paparazzi, remain vigilant!


at the bff trial meeting jessica, francine pascall, those daniels twins and i will go for drinks and discuss the finer points of svh and the unfortunate demise of the 'university years' series. on an unrelated note can someone please take steps to get a decent coffee supplier to the cafe near my work and maybe some staff that care about making awesome coffee. heavily accented 50 year old italian men who appear grumpy but secretly have a heart of gold would be best. or maybe benicio del toro. that would be cool too. actually if you can get benicio you can pretty much leave me with the shit coffee.

i think this has become my new approach to life.

yep.

the possible exception to this is adrian grenier.

still good?

today i found a packet of 2 minute noodles in my office filing cabinet that's so old the manufacturer has discontinued the flavour. i also found my dream apartment which is out of my price range but that i am considering living in a state of credit card debt for...it's so pretty. even if it is missing basic apartment necessities.

angry girl rock around the clock

there are a limited amount of things that result in me taking a shine to old alanis morrisette, hole and veruca salt albums but fuck it i'm there!